Tag Archives: seniors

April 4, 2013 · 11:41 pm

My Fathers Shirt…….

What do you want to happen with your stuff when you die? I’m sure that some of the big stuff has already been spoken for.  I found an article titled “Where’d you get that shirt?” that was written a few years ago but the message will not get old.

After my dad died, we all wanted something as a reminder. There was some jewelry, a lot of photos, and other day-to-day things he carried with him everywhere.  We all took something that was personally meaningful -  telling of our special relationship with ‘Jocko.”After a few months, my mother was ready to go though his wardrobe. A lot of his stuff was dated. I can still picture him wearing his light blue leisure suit and his brightly colored silk shirts.  In my mind, he always dressed to the nines for work. His casual wear was always clean and pressed.  He was a very stylish dresser in his younger days. In the end though, that was not the case.261895_131708696910109_1924950_n

A lot of it was donated. My brothers and I all took what we could use plus, a few items that sparked a memory. My mother did the same. I am happy to think that those clothes went to those who needed them.  My dad would be happy to know his silk flowered shirts had found new homes.

“So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good.”  Helen Keller

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November 29, 2012 · 12:59 am

Four hours………

 Whether it’s the best of times or the worst of times, it’s the only time we’ve got. Art Buchwald

It has happened. Things have been busy. I knew, sooner or later, I was not going to be able to be in two places at once.

A family in the Burlington area called. It’s a long way away, but I wanted to help.  Shortly after arriving at the home, the phone rang again.  I talked with a young lady whose mom had just passed. Mom passed at home surrounded by her family. Mom and family were 3 hours away in the other direction. I explained my location and availability while being very sensitive to their situation at home.

First, Burlington… The family helped care for their loved one, gathering precious belongings for me to take along.  We planned to be in contact in the morning.  I gave them my web site and said they might find helpful information before our meeting but not to worry, we would review everything together.

After leaving, I spoke with the second family again. We talked for a few minutes about what they should do until I arrived. They were very understanding; it was helpful that a well-trained visiting nurse was at their home during Mom’s last moments. I assured the family everything would be fine and Mom was fine right where she was.  She was in her bed, covered with her favorite blankets and holding her stuffed-animal dog, as she has been holding for the past few years.

Speaking with the visiting nurse, I half joked to crack the window and shut the door, to keep the room cool. She said she was already ahead of me and would be staying until I showed up.  Upon arrival almost four hours later, everyone was in Mom’s bedroom. There were no tears but only relaxed faces telling stories about Mom, with Mom. They were all very happy she was still with them and that they had this extra time together. One by one, family members said their good-byes and went into the living room. When I met with the family the next day, they expressed appreciation for the four hours – for the time they got to spend with mom.

This made an impression on me – something I want to share with you. There are no laws that say your loved one has to be moved immediately after death.  If your loved one has chosen to die at home, make sure Hospice and your funeral provider know what the family will want after the death.  If you aren’t given options or if it seems like an inconvenience, talk to your local Visiting Nurses Association and find a new funeral provider. Take the time you need; you and your family will appreciate it.

As always, if there are any questions I can answer, please be in touch.

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October 3, 2012 · 2:15 pm

A quick trip to Dublin……

Jana, my Landscape Architect girlfriend sent me this link today. Interesting stuff. Being an architect she sometimes finds these articles that deal with end of life issues from a different perspective.

In my profession we tend to think that after the cemetery we are all done.  Most cemeteries have been operating for years and little has changed. It is nice to know that these memorial parks are popping up all over the country.  They are well thought out with the visitors interest in mind, and also are inviting enough for everyone to enjoy.

This one is in Dublin, Ohio. It serves as the hub for Veterans and Memorial Day celebrations and as a daily retreat for visitors. Here is the link.  

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June 13, 2012 · 12:28 pm

“We dont need no stinkin’ Email……”

Last week, I wanted to do some research so, I called the nearby funeral homes in Chester and Ludlow. The law says that anyone anywhere can call a funeral provider to request a copy of the general price list.

When I asked for an email with their GPL, the manager said (and I am not paraphrasing here): I will have to mail you a copy of our GPL. I don’t have it in electronic format to email. This is the largest funeral provider in the world and they can’t email a copy of the general price list?

Last year this company made $363 million in profit. Can’t they afford a computer or the technology to email a copy of the most important document to protect a funeral consumer?  I looked for another solution and got the GPL by fax.

By the way, the General Price List for WRCS is always available on my website. (
http://us.mg2.mail.yahoo.com/neo/www.williamsriverservices.com
)

Back to the research… At first glance it looked like they lowered their service charges.  Awesome.  I felt that I had made an impact.  Capitalism at work.  I helped to lower their prices due to the competitive business, WRCS, down the street. I had an impact on the largest funeral provider in the world!

Then I looked closer.  The prices had changed since the FCA issued a comprehensive report last fall.  I reached for the calculator. THEY WENT UP?  The most expensive funeral home in the state is now more expensive. The price for services as compared to every other funeral home/crematory in the state is now $2,000 more.

After a $6,010 basic service charge, you still have to purchase a casket. (Average casket cost is $3,200.) Liners are $1,095 (which is a minimum requirement at most cemeteries.) Vaults will cost between $1,500- 3,795. With a middle range casket and a liner, the final costs can range from $9,200 -$10,000.

There are additional costs for other services (cash advances) such as grave opening and closing, installation of liner/vault, newspaper notices, honorayem for clergy, stipend for organist and cantor, and cemetery equipment. These can total another $1,000+/-.

And then, if you want to hold a reception… this is additional. Depending on the size, it could be costly.  This could total over $13,000.  I know reading GPLs can be confusing but I know what I am looking at …and this is still mind boggling.

With a gleam in my eye, I reviewed my GPL.  WRCS can provide the same services (minus calling hours in an old out date building) for $3,560.  Our average casket is $1,600.  Our liner is $700.  Our total cost is $5,860 for the same services and comparable casket and liner. My prices are $7,140 less than the other funeral provider in Chester or Ludlow.

Prices from these large funeral corporations show no respect for its customers. For families, these are emotionally difficult times, during possibly very difficult financial times. The fact that they are thousands of dollars more than ALL other funeral business in Vermont makes no difference to the large corporations.

It’s the 1% taking advantage of the 99%… that familiar story.  It’s hard to believe that can be happening in our own backyard.

Please, be a smart consumer. If you can’t understand that corporate GPL, call me; I’ve read over them hundreds of times.  My cell is(802) 353 0021

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May 30, 2012 · 10:02 pm

The singer knocked ‘em dead………..

I recently attended my first Funeral Consumer Alliance meeting.  The annual meeting was held May 19, 2012, at the Unitarian Church in Montpelier.  It was a breathtaking day in our Capital. I guess I have spent too much time in the woods lately. The sky was so blue and the sun warmed your skin. It was nice to be in the city for the day. Ice coffees were everywhere.

As the meeting started we were supposed to have a barber shop quartet but the plan died at the last minute.  One of the board members happened to be an excellent performer/singer and offered 3 songs before the meeting was over.  He did a bang up job on all of them.

The business part of the meeting was short but everything seemed to be on the up and up. The guest speaker was Lee Walker, Funeral Guide.  Her presentation was: “Creating Community through Loss—The Home Funeral Experience”. It was a great presentation.  Very informative.  She is a true asset to the home funeral/green burial community. She answered questions for about 10 minutes and sparked some good discussions.

After her presentation there was a panel of Board Members who answered some questions.  More than answering the questions, they guided the discussions. They discussed options, costs, and new/old traditions that are becoming more common all around the area in an era of enhanced spiritual and environmental concerns. All of it was great information.

As the discussion advance everyone in attendance agreed that education is the key to true consumer protection. The more people know the facts, the better decision they make. Word of mouth is the best way to let people know that FCA is out there looking out for the consumer.

A few things surprised me; the fact that there was very few attending from the media.  This is the same weekend that “60” minutes did the piece on SCI. I think if they had their meeting last weekend media coverage mighty have been different. Also, the age of the attending members was well, older. (Insert any funeral age joke here) It seems to me this comes right back to education. There needs to be a lot younger people here. This directly affects their parents, themselves, and their children.

Most involved in this organization had a bad funeral experience or they are passionate about the green movement. Membership has grown every year they have been operating.  The work of volunteers and members holds the organization together.  There web site is very active and the 2011 price guide on line is a much needed, barely used resource. They are part of Facebook and Twitter.

We ended in song and refreshments were severed.  It was a great day with a great organization. Please consider WRCS another asset to the local consumer.  If I can’t help you or can’t answer your question I know someone who can.

I gotta get me one of those there memberships!


http://www.funerals.org/

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April 16, 2012 · 2:49 pm

“eat more kale……..”

There are many things in life that we know we should do. Along with “eat more kale” and “30 minutes of cardio,” having a will is one of those things.  The difference is, if you don’t take care of your will, someone else …will. After a little research, I found that most folks have a will put together around the age of 50.  If you haven’t already, you should think about all those “details” that you won’t be “here” to do.
There are many things to consider: a family business, savings accounts, personal belongings, etc.  A lawyer will finalize the decisions about your belongings and then he will surely say “Everything looks good. All you need to do is make your final arrangements.” He might suggest a funeral provider. As you walk out the door you smile, thinking that you have taken care of everything. You may drive by a funeral home on the way home and never give it a second thought.
The following blog brings up a good point.  Why don’t we plan for our final arrangements right after we meet with our lawyers? Better yet why don’t we see the lawyer after we have decided on funerary services?  In reality if you don’t have a will, you are still going to die.  With no will, the courts will decide what will happen to your things and your family is going to have to take care of your final arrangements.
We are always trying to take better care of our lives – ourselves and our families.  In the same manner, we need to take care of our end-of-life arrangements. Yes, “eat more kale” and contact a funeral provider; I am always available.

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February 27, 2012 · 12:00 am

A Tisket, A Tasket, I’ll Pick My Own Damn Casket

A Tisket, A Tasket, I’ll Pick My Own Damn Casket.

This lady gets it.  I enjoyed reading it and I hope you do too.

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February 11, 2012 · 11:32 pm

Veterans + Hospice = Quality End of Life

There is a patch on the back of my vest that I respect. It reads “The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten.”  Currently 25% of all the deaths in the US are veterans. Only 4% pass away in a veterans hospital. Hospice plays a strong role supporting the others.  To remember and honor veterans, federal benefits are available.  Let me point out a few. If you need more information, please call me.

Every veteran is entitled to a government burial marker. These markers are usually a granite stone set flat in the cemetery. In most of the area cemeteries, families use the stone as a foot stone. National and state military cemeteries all have different requirements on markers.  The funeral director will handle the information needed for the stone or, can be filled out by the family; the information on the stone is basic with few options to personalize.

Every veteran is entitled to a United States flag. The flag can be obtained through a local post office.  If the veteran was in a Veterans Hospital the flag travels with the deceased. At the end of the service, the flag is presented to the family.

Every veteran is entitled to military honors. Active duty soldiers will come to the cemetery, church, or other location for a service. They are honored to serve on burial duty. Locally, we have a strong showing of veterans. It is nice for the family to see other local veterans offering support.  Even a small 10 minute service with military honors, leaves a lifelong impression.

Every veteran is offered a burial site in a national cemetery. The state of Vermont does not have national cemetery but the state cemetery can offer some of the services at a military rate.

There are more benefits depending on the rank and honors of the veteran. I can research the information or let you know where to look. Williams River Services always offers discounts to our Veterans and there spouses and can with each of the benefits.

Visiting Nurses and Hospice of Vermont and New Hampshire has recently been recognized as a We Honor Veterans Partner. They will help provide care and support that reflects the important contributions made by these men and women.  We Honor Veterans, is a pioneering campaign developed by National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization in collaboration with the Department of Veterans Affairs. This is a great organization that has come to the forefront. Their web site is www.wehonorveterans.org.

Williams River Services applaud The Visiting Nurses and Hospice of Vermont and New Hampshire for doing their part for America’s veterans in the area.  Quality end of life services for our veterans is important in honoring those who have served and the longevity of our great nation. “The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten.”  The United States of America and its veterans will never be forgotten.

 

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November 15, 2011 · 3:04 pm

Anything for the family……

I have been extremely lucky to be a part of so many different types of funeral services. Over the last 15 years, I have helped families though a full range of services – big and small. The big ones are easy to remember; the small ones were some of the most meaningful.

Having worked with the well known and very wealthy, I have planned services for as many as 700 attendants; while at the other end, I have held a service with only 1 guest. Some funerals have had price tags of tens of thousands of dollars; other services I have had to pay for myself. Flowers, catering, limos, press areas, police escorts, and over-night accommodations – some services have lasted for days; other times it has just been me.

I have conducted services in churches, temples, cemeteries, VFWs, town halls, museums, art galleries, bars, living rooms, bedrooms, near a stream, on a mountain, under a tree, 4,000 ft above sea level, on the ocean, on a lake, near a golf course, on a golf course, parks, picnic areas, backyards, gardens, farms, open meadows, and in the deep woods.  And I am sure that I am missing a few.  Every one of those services was what the family needed to move forward with their own grief journey.

Logistically, some were very challenging. All of them were priceless as far as the families were concerned. I enjoy the challenge of helping families express themselves in the appropriate and comfortable environment.

Families have enjoyed that I come to their home.  I have sat at a lot of kitchen tables and had some really good coffee (and some not so good…)  I can tell you from having sat across the table at the funeral home, families are much more comfortable surrounded by family at the kitchen table.  And that is how I prefer to do business.

Yes I have even had a service in a kitchen……

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November 9, 2011 · 4:41 pm

Home Funerals, Green Burials: Getting the story straight.

After spending a few minutes online, I found good information on Green Burials and Home Funerals.  You might be surprised by some of the information.

First, I would like to share this short FOX news story that highlights green burials: Introducing Green Burials  When Dad died, the family wanted to have “something positive come out of a bad situation” and they chose to have a green thinking funeral home help them with their arrangements.  The funeral home got it right: biodegradable casket, family involvement, low prices.  Most funeral homes will not help a family with this type of arrangement because it affects their bottom line.  It is good to see news stories like this because green thinking is important, even in the funeral industry, and families should know their options.

There are two organizations that I have found very helpful on procedures and family involvement: Home Funeral Alliance and Home Funeral.  Both sites give valuable information and advice to someone interested in home funeral services.

Adding to this, I wanted to answer some myths I have encountered:

  • Home funerals have to happen at your home.  Not true.  Most people have modest homes that would not be large enough to comfortably host family and friends. Churches, civic halls, fraternal organization are all large enough to supply a room that would be comfortable for a family.  A small donation is a nice gesture; it helps you with your service and helps them pay the bills.  Donations could be $100-$200 dollars.
  • The family has to help with preparation of the body.  Not true.  The great thing about home funerals is you get to decide what you are comfortable with.  A hundred years ago families did all the preparation in the home before a funeral director was called. Washing your loved one and dressing them in their favorite clothes is extremely comforting to some families.  But this doesn’t need to be a requirement of a home funeral.
  • It’s illegal to keep a deceased love one at home after they die.  Not true.  Most funeral directors want you to believe that the body must be moved to their facility as soon as possible. In extreme cases this might be true, but most times it is not. This myth is usually followed by “the body must be embalmed”.   Your loved one may be able to remain at home a short while, until a close family member can arrive.
  • Only a traditional funeral home can help with a home funeral. Not true. There are hundreds of home funeral organizations that can answer your questions and point you in the right direction. The web sites I shared above have lists by state on who can help your family. WRCS is one of many services which will help guide the family though the process.

This is not about cost. This is about taking back one of the most meaningful things you and your family can do for a loved one. Families that choose home funerals prefer personalization over commercialized funeral practices. Like home births and home schooling, home funerals offer people a measure of control and allow you to go at your own pace. The fact that a family can save thousands of dollars, help the environment, and possibly make the grief process a little smoother are all bonuses. If you’d like to discuss Green Burials or Home Funerals, please be in touch at any time.

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